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Friday, October 21, 2005

Movie Review: Land of the Dead

Land of the DeadNo one does zombies movies better than George A. Romero.

And I would expect no less from the man that invented the genre. It’s good to see that Romero still has it; in contrast to another elderly horror filmmaker, John Carpenter, whose senility resulted in the cinematic debacle entitled Ghost of Mars.

I enjoyed Land of the Dead even though many people were disappointed with this latest chapter in Romero's Dead movies. In fact, my first reaction after watching Land of the Dead was how Capcom's licensing department is run by a bunch of complete fuckups.

For those of you who don't know, Romero directed some Japanese Resident Evil 2 commercials for Capcom in 1997. (They couldn't be aired in North America because the actor that played Leon Kennedy was Brad Renfro, whose contract, like most spoiled Hollywood movie stars, forbids anyone to know they whored themselves out to Japanese advertisers.) Romero did such a spectacular job that Capcom hired him in to write and direct a Resident Evil movie. Shinji Mikami ripped off Romero to make Resident Evil; now Capcom was asking Romero to rip them off.

Romero wrote a script that was basically a direct translation of the game. Although not perfect, it would have made a kick ass zombie movie. So, what happened? Why didn’t we get George A. Romero’s Resident Evil? Why were we subjected to the visual raping that was the zombie-less Resident Evil Capcom smeared into Cineplexes everywhere?

According to bloody-disgusting.com, “Romero co-wrote with his partner, six drafts for the Resident Evil adaptation he was originally attached to do. Capcom and a German company called Constantine produced it. Constantine is one of those companies that are basically run by one guy who lives in Germany. He would show up every eight weeks and say what he liked and didn't like. Capcom and everyone associated with the project loved the script...except that German producer, Bernd Eichinger. Romero felt that the guy didn't get it. He just bought the rights because it was popular. So after a year and a half of work on Resident Evil, Romero got fired. He [Romero] found the end product to be a "bit cheesy".”

George, that’s the understatement of the year. I found the end product to be complete shit.

Instead of keeping Romero on the Resident Evil movie and booting that idiot Eichinger, Capcom gave the project to one of the worst hack directors in Hollywood history, Paul W. S. "I wiped my ass with a sheet of paper and called it the Aliens Vs. Predator screenplay" Anderson. Watching his Resident Evil movie along with its atrocious sequels was like getting cataract surgery with a plastic fork. If only Capcom had a glint of intelligence we would have finally been treated to a good video game movie by zombie master George A. Romero.

Land of the Dead gets a rating of:

3 out of 4 STARS AND ONE FINGER TO PAUL W. S. ANDERSON

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