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Sunday, December 11, 2005

Adventures of Sportage Man

Whore GiftI knew there was a reason people waste away hours of their life searching eBay at work. You never know when you may come across a gem like this.

I can't believe she gave him C-3P0 of all the characters in the ROTS line. In fact, I wonder which "gift" she regrets giving him more: that figure or the naked pictures of herself.

The original listing was removed by those facists at eBay, but "drunk wookie" (for someone who claims to not be a Star Wars geek, he sure sells a lot of Star Wars crap on eBay) reposted it today. Since the listing will eventually disapear from eBay, I have included the original auction description (his new description excludes his many whore and trash references to avoid eBay censorship) below for posterity:

Star Wars ROTS c-3P0 Gift from whore ex-girlfriend
Take this off my hands before I kill the b**th

Okay here's the deal. I am a Star Wars fan...just like a lot of people. But I am not a Star Wars geek. I actually date girls and have had sex during my lifetime. So my girlfriend of 2 years decides for my birthday (October 1st) she wanted to do a Star Wars themed party. She bought the Star Wars cake, the Star Wars party favors (this ditz thought I would like this...I was turning 30). So I had this one huge box wraped up and I was was a C-3P0 figure that is a 4 inch figure in a 24 x 16 inch box. I was like "What the hell is this?" She goes happy birthday.. That was my gift. A $5 toy for turning 30. That was when I knew....there is something seriously wrong with the piece of trash I call my girlfriend.....lets fast forward to Thanksgiving day.

I have folks that live about 5 hours away and the plan was to see them on Thanksgiving. So I left without the girlfriend because she was having turkey with her family. About an hour into my trip, I get a call from Mom saying Dad threw out his back and they were going to the hospital...nothing serious...but dinner was off. So I figured I would head back to the house, and go with my girlfriend to her parents place. I pull up into my driveway, and there is a Purple Kia Sportage in the driveway. I was like.....what the hell is this piece of crap doing in my driveway leaking oil everywhere. So I had no where to park and so I parked on the curb. I go into my house...and there is my girlfriend....riding some dork like a cowgirl on a bull right on my leather sofa. She freaks out, dismounts and ran upstairs. The guy was someone I knew she worked with. I was in shock...the guy threw on his pants and quikly left. There was sweat stains of his ass on my couch. I go upstairs and my girlfriend is like I can explain...and I told her don't worry about it....if you want to go and hump late 1990's Purple Kia Sportage man, then have at it. Trash goes together. I told her to get the F*** out of my house and take her belongings. I gave her 3 hours to get her crap together. Meanwhile, I went and had dinner at her Parents house, not even tipping them off. I told them she wasn't feeling well.

So anyways....I need a woman who can appreciate a man that doesn't own a 1999 Purple Kia Sportage, one that still isn't a waiter at Bennigans at the age of 25-28 (age unknown), one whose name isn't Barry, and one that will not buy me only a $5 gift (a toy at that) for my 30th bday. Every time I look at this figure, I want to go strangle this stupid bitch for just being a dumb woman.

Please take it off my hands....before I end up going to jail. You are bidding on a NM Star Wars C-3P0 figure...

Shipping is $5. Paypal, checks, and money orders accepted.

Thanks for looking, sharing my heartbreak, and helping my sanity.

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  • Here's a tip for this guy: Since only Star Wars fans are likely to buy this, it's probably not a good idea to insult them as a group in the auction description. Plus they can pick it up in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart for less (and no shipping fees). Why doesn't he act like the tough guy he's pretending to be and throw it away (the whiney fuck)?

    By Blogger CapnG, at Mon Dec 12, 06:23:00 AM  

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