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Friday, July 07, 2006

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Keira is HOT!With Rotten Tomatoes rating Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest at a paltry 52%, movie critics have, once again, demonstrated how out of touch they are with reality. The reviews exclaim things such as, "It's often unclear what's going on, beyond a zillion dollars of splashy effects washing over the screen."

What? It’s a brain dead summer action movie you moron. What did you expect? Jack Sparrow is no Hamlet and POTC2 is no Shakespearean masterpiece.

The main condemnation the film critics keep repeating is the movie is all action with no conclusion. Of course there is no conclusion; the movie ends on a "cliff hanger". The critics fail to realize POTC2 is clearly the first half of a giant 5 hour sequel to The Curse of the Black Pearl. Would any movie critic watch the first 45 minutes of a movie and then write a review stating how it made no sense? Of course they wouldn’t because it would make them look like a douche, but that didn’t stop them from making comparible statements about POTC2. In fact, The Empire Strikes Back also suffered from the same type of critical ignorance in 1980 only to be given much better re-reviews years later.

Don’t mistake the above paragraphs to be a defense of POTC2. It is by no means a perfect film: it rehashes a chase scene a mere hour after the first one; it is filled with 24, 598 jokes about rum; and even though Keira Knightley is hot, her chemistry with Bloom is about as explosive as wet newspaper; and POTC2 ends setting up a sequel to have no less than FOUR villains. Even with its flaws, it’s a much better film than the "critics" would have you believe.

All professional film critics are shills who lack the creativity or wit to make their own movies, so they make up for it by insulting ones made by others - and my intelligence.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest gets a rating of:

3 out of 4 STARS AND FIVE TENTACLES WRAPPED AROUND ANY FILM CRITIC’S THROAT

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3 Comments:

  • I never really care about reviews anyway. There are some movies I would see regardless of what anyone else thinks, and POTC2 was one of them. Hey, I had my fun, and well, while I didnt pay for it, it was 2 and a half hours well enjoyed. Wait, I acutally got paid for it too. :)

    Anyway, POTC2 will be a hit, and so will POTC3.

    By Anonymous I wasn't here, at Sat Jul 08, 07:00:00 PM  

  • btw, check this out:
    http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/pirates-2-already-stealing-all-time-no-1-movie-opening-title/

    By Anonymous I wasn't here, at Sat Jul 08, 07:02:00 PM  

  • did u check out her jewelry blog?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Jul 18, 11:56:00 AM  

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