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Friday, January 12, 2007

Apple: Rotten to the Core

iPhone?!! Are you fuckin’ jacking me, squire?

Hang on, I need a moment to compose myself, let me catch my breath for a second... phew, okay, I think I'm alright. Wait… nope, blood pressure still rising. Yours should be too. If it isn't, you've probably already surrendered what little free will you have left and handed over a wad of cash in exchange for something with white "earbuds" and now you just can't wait to do it again just because it's shiny and new and has a little apple icon on it. You see my friend; you have become Apple sheep, lubed up and eager for another assload of iCock.

What's that you say? Apple is cool now? They even did a Penny Arcade comic about it. Read the comic again, the subtler aspects of it may have escaped you. This is taking planned obsolescence to heights that dwarf Olympus Mons. In fifty years I guarantee there will be landfills exclusively composed of iPods and their kin. Oh, did that get your attention? That's right, neo-hippies of the iCult! Here's something to think about next earth-day: all those iPods ain't goin' NOWHERE. Have a spoonful of that with your granola tofu yoghurt.

On the off-chance I've snapped you out of the zombification of the Apple cult of cool, let me take this opportunity to suggest you make one last addition to your iCollection: iMac, iBook, iPod, iPhone, iQUIT!

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