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Monday, March 12, 2007

Movie Review: 300

300This movie has been accused of being homo erotic, lacking plot and containing propaganda for the current US Administration. They are all correct.

Hollywood has always been terrified of any type of historical accuracy and 300 is no exception. Historically, a Hoplite (Spartan Warrior) wore body armor and removed their red capes before engaging in combat, but reality was unable to deter ZackFrank SnyderMiller from creating an army of young chiseled naked men, sweating, thrusting and heaving as bodily fluids freely squirt in all directions. One could argue the only difference between 300 and gay erotica is the color of those fluids.

300 lacks plot, character development and provides no reason to care about anyone or anything in the movie. The "plot" is nothing more than an excuse to string together numerous very well choreographed MTV fight scenes. Why did Leonidas go to meet the Persian horde? Why did he talk to the oracle? Why is Leonidas Scottish? And why did he agree to star in a previous Joel Schumacher film? These questions are never answered and instead Zack provides an annoying narrator who points out the obvious as a substitute to exposition. Explaining Leonidas and the 300 stayed behind to buy time for the rest of the Greek army a chance to escape and regroup would have been more helpful than describing how sweat beads off a Spartan’s nipple.

300’s dialog is caked in Bush rhetoric with lines such as, "... Free men stood against a tyrant!" and "What would a free man do?"

Spartans were not free men. They were ruled by a military oligarchy. 700 of the 1000 Spartan troops fighting at Battle of Thermopylae were slaves fighting against their will. In this film, Leonidas himself only fights because of a simplistic notion of defending "democracy". This is absolutely amazing considering Sparta was not democratic.

But what bothered me the most is the thin veil of American racial profiling that chokes 300. The Arab Terrorists Persians, contrary to what Miller, Zack and Warner Bros. would have you believe, were not sadomasochistic, mutated, sexual deviant, dark-skinned freedom-hating barbarians. Persians resembled the Greeks in many ways including skin and eye color, but obviously that would make for poor comic book propaganda. Hollywood cannot have white people accusing other white people of hating freedom because, thanks to the American media, we all know the terrorists are brown.

In reality, the Persian Empire had the world's first Charter of Human Rights drafted by Cyrus the Great while the Greek’s "democracy" was only for wealthy land owners. Of the two nations, who really had freedom to defend?

300 gets a rating of:

2 out of 4 STARS AND 300 MORE SPARTANS TO DEFEND IT FROM HISTORICAL ACCURACY.

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4 Comments:

  • Nice review! You pretty much summed up the movie well. You could have thrown in the well choreographed fighting scenes, and that it had some powerful visuals. That alone is worth watching but not paying for ;).

    I'd give it a 2 1/2 sweaty shaven Spartans out of 5. Ofcourse there is no such thing as half a Spartan, so it fits well with the movie. ;)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Mar 12, 08:20:00 PM  

  • Considering Sparta's sexual norms, homoerotic is the BEST you could hope for. Trying to paint the Persians as "sexually deviant" by comparison is side-splittingly laughable.

    300 is Hollywood's dream film, the ultimate triumph of style over substance.

    By Blogger CapnG, at Mon Mar 12, 11:46:00 PM  

  • 300 = Buff dudes in Speedos and red capes stabbing the crap outta everything in site.

    No real story, no historical accuracy, no brains to watch it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Mar 13, 02:41:00 PM  

  • An Iranian official criticized the movie calling it psychological warfare, I dont blame him, since most white people probably came from the middle east I cant help but feel a connection. I heard an excuse that 'They are just being true to the comic'. It's still unrealisic propoganda promoted as realistic. Grow some balls (or ovaries)and learn to waste your money on beter things than siphoning your money to propoganda machines. Dont pirate it either because then other people are going to get this bucket of BS droped on them.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Mar 25, 09:15:00 PM  

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