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Saturday, June 16, 2007

Snape Skin Boots

Harry Patter and the Deathly HallowsUPDATE: Seems Voldemort kills Snape, Harry kills Voldemort and then bangs Ginny.

Thanks to the lack of control media conglomerates have over the Internet, we now know the "surprise" death in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will not be, as speculated, Mr. Potter, but instead Severus Snape.

At some point in the story, Snape will sacrifice himself to either kill Voldemort or allow Harry to land the final blow. This spoiler should not be a surprise to anyone who read the books (or watched the films) and is not in a coma.

This demise is not what most fans expect since Rowling has spent the last few years teasing everyone in interviews that Harry may die. Now, unfortunately for her, I am much smarter than all her fans and the card board cutouts that interview her. Only a dim-witted consumer whore would believe Warner Bros & Bloomsbury Publishing PLC would allow Rowling to sit in her multi million dollar estate and derail the gravy train that is Harry Potter by snuffing him out. Harry will not die, and this will definitely not be the last book. It will go on in sequels, prequels, side stories, dictionaries, etc. No executive asshole in his right mind would stop a behemoth franchise like this at seven books unless he hated cocaine, hookers and billions of dollars.

Killing off Harry wouldn't be so bad, since it would demonstrate Bloomsbury is motivated by creative storytelling and not by inflated stock prices. But in reality the primary drive behind the Harry Potter brand is economics and not creativity.

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