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Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sounds of Silence

Thus far, I haven't said anything about the upcoming summer release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen by one Mr. Michael "Cue Bombs" Bay. There's a reason for that: I have had trouble formulating thoughts beyond the word "FUCK".

I know little of the plot but if it's anything like the first one, that's not a concern. I DO know I still hate the designs and the new designs even more so. Sideswipe is silver? Ravage is a cylon? Starscream has tribal "tattoos"? There's a fucking BIPLANE decepticon?! Autobot "twins" Mudflap and Skids take the cake though: Whoever thought it was cool to make robots who look like a special needs version of Gizmo from Gremlins needs to be FIRED. NOW.

Devastator: awesome! Except not. Because he looks like a multicoloured gorilla and one of his component parts (Demolisher) is a UNICYCLE with arms and a head. It has given me insight however into Bay's design logic for his transformers:

Step 1: Decide on a vehicle mode
Step 2: Get a model of that vehicle and smash it with a hammer
Step 3: Smash! SMASH! SMASH!
Step 4: Assemble the remnants into a vaguely humanoid shape. Or not. Whatever.
Step 5: Roll film; cue bombs!

On the plus side, it's supposed to be more focused on the robots and include more of them (upwards of 40) which would be good... you know, what with the franchise being called "Transformers" and not "Humans who occasionally catch glimpses of Transformers". The only thing I'm certain of is that it will make SHITLOADS of money.

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